[ which is probably a vehemence that's a lot harder to shake when it's the right tone of voice, the right amount of tenderness, and his voice is still thickened, caught in his throat as he swallows around the taste still lingering in his mouth.
he's still fighting the urge to lick the salt off of his lips even now -- still fidgeting a little, his hand landing on keith's shoulder, caught in that crucial moment where he could push keith away, or pull him forward, over the stick shift, and onto his lap. his fingers dig in, wrinkling the sleeve of his too big shirt where the collar drapes overlarge along keith's throat. it's -- ridiculous, sitting in a company car with this boy wearing his clothes, and they've only just met, and he's still thinking about what it would be like if he were to nose along his neck, scrape his teeth along that stretch of bare skin, if keith would let him - ]
[ you don't know that. because honestly, how could you know that? and he's sitting there for that split second after keith's clumsy confession, thinking of all the good reasons why he shouldn't indulge in a gut instinct, and looking desperately like he wants to believe himself.
the responsible thing to do, is to take a step back. tell him that by no means should they rush into anything, and that they should ease into it together; that nothing good would come from going into something like this recklessly; that, regardless of the spark, this feeling like he should hang on tightly and never let go (again), they shouldn't do anything that they might look back in regret later.
instead, he's grabbing keith abruptly by his shirt and pulling him back over for a painfully close, wet kiss, his brows drawn together, and his breaths stringing unsteady already. ]
[ the pull startles him -- but reflex kicks in before there's any need for thought: shifting in his seat to take the kiss at just the right angle, his hands settling on shiro's shoulders as his lips part to a ruthless kiss, chasing bruises and the lingering flicker of rain on his tongue, agonising in how familiar it feels. memory shifts at the back of his head like quicksand, all the fragments of their new-old history rattling echoes: one of these days you're going to fall. instinct's easier -- the surety of sliding a hand to cup shiro's still-damp nape, of breathing into a kiss that's nothing but quiet trust and the satisfaction of having him back.
there's no need to stop. as long as shiro doesn't have doubts, there's no need to slow down at all. ]
[ well, he definitely could've been a little nicer about it.
but he's inhaling sharply through his nose, and keith's not pulling away, throwing a hand over the back of his neck and pressed so close, it almost aches. it throbs along his lip, a feeling that thrums in the odd shape of his teeth, but the pain's of no concern when keith's yielding, yielding still, canting his head and breathing out in a sigh that rings faintly of relief.
even with the rain on him, he still carries a warm scent -- the desert wind, or the smoke from a crash, or the dust from a lone cabin on the outskirts of nowhere, and it's familiar, it's just like a dream come true. more than anything, it does feel like them, feels a little less like a bad idea the more that keith leans into him, when his unpracticed mouth and warm tongue don't just make keith stiffen and reconsider, when he's licking into his mouth and it doesn't feel so weird as it does new. nothing that he remembers, and yet everything he wants, at least, for right now. ]
[ it isn't easy -- they're fumbling in the front-seat of an unfamiliar car, windows filmy with the heat of them, with a brake that juts and holds its stiff barrier against him every time he forgets and starts to tilt onto a knee, to push shiro's shoulder back against the seat, skimming just short of bumping his head into the low ceiling. but it feels easier than anything else that's surfaced out of oldtown streets lately, jobs and fevers and riots alike. he knows this kiss, is the thing -- feels its brightness like a brand carried out from the morning darkness, knows the moment to tilt his head just to match shiro's angle, the taste of his mouth, the way the lazy curl of his tongue starts to shiver, at last, into a guttering heat.
but that still leaves him craning his neck to take it, thumb smoothing over the stiff arch of shiro's neck. the kiss breaks, if only for an instant - ]
Can I -
[ a little stiffly, slow and uncharacteristically clumsy as one leg shifts to swing over the brake and sink a knee between shiro's thighs, waiting to be stopped. ]
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especially when keith's halfway over the console by the time he's gotten his tongue out of his mouth. ]
Wait.
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[ ???????????? at least it only takes him a blink to tense back up. ]
What's wrong?
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[ . . . probably going too quickly into this, and it should've been my responsibility to stop you.
. . . confused, and if anything comes up, i don't want you to think i used this time to take advantage of you.
. . . going to give me a semi and i really am not prepared to deal with the potential embarrassment. ]
. . . I just don't want you to walk out of this car feeling more disoriented than before.
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I'm pretty sure kissing isn't supposed to make you nauseous.
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wait. ]
Was it that bad just now?
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[ which is probably a vehemence that's a lot harder to shake when it's the right tone of voice, the right amount of tenderness, and his voice is still thickened, caught in his throat as he swallows around the taste still lingering in his mouth.
he's still fighting the urge to lick the salt off of his lips even now -- still fidgeting a little, his hand landing on keith's shoulder, caught in that crucial moment where he could push keith away, or pull him forward, over the stick shift, and onto his lap. his fingers dig in, wrinkling the sleeve of his too big shirt where the collar drapes overlarge along keith's throat. it's -- ridiculous, sitting in a company car with this boy wearing his clothes, and they've only just met, and he's still thinking about what it would be like if he were to nose along his neck, scrape his teeth along that stretch of bare skin, if keith would let him - ]
It was . . . good.
[ good; better than he is eloquent. ]
Really good.
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[ guess whose monofocus has forgotten about the company car bit of this trip. ]
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[ but maybe that's not the right thing to admit. in any case, this isn't the best time to realize he doesn't want to lie to a face like that. ]
. . . but say our memories come back. If that's what they really are.
You don't remember doing anything like this with me.
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[ but, punctuation to a headlong confession, leaving silence to spin in the air between them.
a slow, slow breath, but his gaze holds steady. ]
This part -- just feels like us.
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the responsible thing to do, is to take a step back. tell him that by no means should they rush into anything, and that they should ease into it together; that nothing good would come from going into something like this recklessly; that, regardless of the spark, this feeling like he should hang on tightly and never let go (again), they shouldn't do anything that they might look back in regret later.
instead, he's grabbing keith abruptly by his shirt and pulling him back over for a painfully close, wet kiss, his brows drawn together, and his breaths stringing unsteady already. ]
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there's no need to stop. as long as shiro doesn't have doubts, there's no need to slow down at all. ]
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but he's inhaling sharply through his nose, and keith's not pulling away, throwing a hand over the back of his neck and pressed so close, it almost aches. it throbs along his lip, a feeling that thrums in the odd shape of his teeth, but the pain's of no concern when keith's yielding, yielding still, canting his head and breathing out in a sigh that rings faintly of relief.
even with the rain on him, he still carries a warm scent -- the desert wind, or the smoke from a crash, or the dust from a lone cabin on the outskirts of nowhere, and it's familiar, it's just like a dream come true. more than anything, it does feel like them, feels a little less like a bad idea the more that keith leans into him, when his unpracticed mouth and warm tongue don't just make keith stiffen and reconsider, when he's licking into his mouth and it doesn't feel so weird as it does new. nothing that he remembers, and yet everything he wants, at least, for right now. ]
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but that still leaves him craning his neck to take it, thumb smoothing over the stiff arch of shiro's neck. the kiss breaks, if only for an instant - ]
Can I -
[ a little stiffly, slow and uncharacteristically clumsy as one leg shifts to swing over the brake and sink a knee between shiro's thighs, waiting to be stopped. ]