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. . . couldn't be that bad if you still came back.

[ but he's pulling back all the same, considering shiro with a dark little furrow between his brows, all his tension charging, charging again by degrees. ]

If we're gonna figure out how we're connected -- you can't hide it when you remember something.

[ impossible not to feel it.

he's careful regardless of the proximity that keith's allowed between them. after all, here, there aren't years between them -- no nostalgia, no felt reunion, no misplaced sentiment that could allow him the opportunity to reach out and ruffle keith's hair. here, he can only wait until he unwinds on his own.

but he's smiling, at least, in the face of keith's slight glowering. ]

I don't know if it counts as a memory.

After all, we slept together.

[ . . .

give him a second to realize how it sounds. ]

[ they literally just kissed, how is that not shiro's first thought!! the flush of the thought snags along his cheekbones before he's quite parsed it, red along the very tips of his ears as his shoulders scrunch. ]

Well, I know we didn't do that here. It's something new. So I'd say it counts.

[ . . . oh, that's a cute color. but he's not sure what he did to deserve it???

and to be fair, he might've just fixated on how nice it feels to have keith in his arms. ]

We almost did, back when you stayed the night.

[ ???? they argued about who would take the bed and everything. ]

Almost doesn't make it the same. The dream was different.

[ scrubbing at his hair: always a helpful tactic to avoid looking at a companyman's dumb face. ]

You felt it, right?

[ it's not the best timing for it, with keith's tension and his wary eyes. he's probably not asking the question he thinks he's asking.

but in the end, it doesn't really matter. he's lifting a hand to frame keith's face, rubbing his thumb along his cheek and thinking, yeah, this doesn't feel like a dream. ]

Right.

[ at once he lifts his head. the flush's still lingering at the edges, skimming color along the line of a cheekbone, threading heat beneath the slide of shiro's thumb. ]

. . . I just don't see how any of this adds up.

[ as he stares back, breaths slivering shallow - ]

Have you heard about anything weird at the Company?

[ it's a sobering topic to talk about, enough to force the blink. he just doesn't drop his arm the way he thinks he should, caught still in the overlayed moment, expecting keith to tilt into his palm the way he did in a dream once.

but this feels just as right, somehow.

it's a little disconcerting, to even think that it's something the company's influenced. ]

. . . no.

After my demotion, I've been given very little in the way of information. Even with most of the higher ranking Enforcers, things have always been on a need-to-know basis.

I don't think any of us expected the Accords to fall, for example.

[ . . . and maybe his hand falls, just a little, soft where it curls along keith's shoulder. ]

I don't know if this is the fault of the Company.

But if they had the capacity to affect our memories, I don't think they'd be so kind as to use it like this.

I know.

[ there's an answer to that -- i didn't mean i thought they were messing with us, his tongue half-curled for the correction already. but shiro's still touching him, a current of living warmth, and beneath the black cold morning, it's something to lean into, reflexive beneath the storm, his eyes all clear studying. ]

. . . when'd you get demoted?

[ with another question tensing beneath it: the company isn't, after all, known for its kindness to dissatisfactory workers. ]

It's been a few years.

[ and maybe it doesn't deserve the embarrassed smile, or the way he's still holding onto keith like there's more to test than this: the press of his thumb along his pulse point, or the way he's smoothing his thumb along his jaw. ]

I was charged to fly some inmates to a holding facility in Westerley. I guess I didn't think they deserved that, so I took them out of bounds until the Company blew out my engine remotely.

. . . it's been a wild ride since then.

[ silence.

absurdly, it coaxes a smile out of him -- mouth crooking, helplessly skewed with the grazing touch, the way shiro's still looking at him, the weight of memory and new warmth lazy between them. ]

. . . I thought you were just a driver.

[ a laugh, simply because keith has a smile that he's coming to find is pretty infectious.

none of their little touches spark any memories. but he's still sick on his fluttering heartbeat, compensating for the reality of waking up by keeping them connected, at least in the smaller ways. ]

I was.

I just had higher clearance back then.

. . . I wasn't talking about your job.

Most people just do the work. Even at the RAC. They wanna rank up, get paid, go home, and that's it. No one thinks about the warrants they get. Even the ones who want to make a difference figure that what we do's better than anything the Company does, because at least we get to choose our warrants.

[ it isn't a thought that he's chased much, and it shows. the matter of moral superiority's an ingrained thing: better a job as a rac agent, however disagreeable the intragency politics, than as one in a herd of companymen, choosing deliberate blindness, nothing better to do but to bow their heads and yield to the nine's heavy hand and driving politics. but the sourness of that remark must be a little undercut by the way he isn't shifting away at all, chin still tipped up with the idle press of shiro's fingertips on his skin, his eyes clear and fixed, the leap of his pulse palpable beneath his skin. ]

I guess you're just -- not what I expected.

[ a little lower - ]

You're not like anything I expected.

. . . no, you're not wrong to think that of me.

[ the thing is, he has no real excuse to keep up this proximity.

nothing but the fact that keith lets it happen -- anything to keep them anchored in the moment, in this strange state of suspension that doesn't quite feel like the reunion that he dreamt about last night.

and yet. ]

I've done a lot of things under the name of the Company, some things I can never forgive myself for. Back then, I thought I was doing all of it to keep as many people safe . . . but they're not kidding when they talk about good intentions.

. . . did they get away?

[ . . . as his hand eventually falls away. ]

That's -- still a work in progress.

[ reflex: the little flicker of his hand drifting after -- before he remembers himself, too, and pulls back. ]

What do you mean still?

The Company doesn't take to its deserters well.

[ it's an uneasy smile -- but at least he's trying. ]

We boarded Arcturus to avoid getting lost in space on a burning ship. I did everything I could, but in the end, they were recaptured.

But as long as I keep up my end of the arrangement . . . I can only hope that the Company will do the same, and stay any order of execution.

Hey.

[ as his fingers slide and snag along the brink of shiro's wrist, tugging, insistent and frowning. ]

They almost got away once. Any time you buy them now's worth it.

[ it's almost jarring, like the kiss, or the break-in -- tamer, maybe, but no less abrupt.

how like keith, he thinks, even if it's a thought based on nothing more than a few meetings, an inkling, a half-remembered dream. but it does what it needs to do, and he's lifting his other hand to squeeze the backs of keith's knuckles in kind. ]

. . . I still don't know how all of this adds up, but somehow the feeling's mutual.

I'm glad you're with me, Keith.

Yeah.

[ husky, with his eyes brilliant where they've fixed on shiro's face. ]

. . . I'll start looking into it. You can just -- be good, I guess. I'll let you know what I find.

I have connections, too, you know.

[ and maybe the grin's a touch more sheepish when he has to endure the full brunt of keith's fixed look.

. . . ]

You really -- got nothing from the kiss, huh.

[ ??? ]

Wait -- did it feel familiar to you?

No! No, I mean --

[ oh my god, keith has a terrifying pout.

... cute. ]

I just -- it was a nice kiss.

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